Though today started out badly, the picnic was wonderful. Jim and Ruth have a cabin at The Woods in West Virginia that is adorable and if it were mine, I would be there every weekend. Paula, The Brit and I along with our kids and two of the teens, went down to the pool to go swimming and spent some time in the hot tub as well. We got to looking at their brochure of spa items and before we knew it, The Brit had talked both Paula and myself into a half hour massage.
Neither of us had ever had one before, but I had always wanted one. We went for head, shoulders and back and OMG. Amazing. We both loved it. Every. Freaking. Minute. Of. It. We have already decided that as our Christmas gifts to each other, we are going back, having an hour massage and a facial (something else we have never experienced). Already, I cannot wait. For thirty minutes, I felt like a queen or princess or something.
We ate well, then played a game and overall had a very pleasant day. On the drive out of there tonight, we saw deer everywhere. Loved it.
I think in some ways, and hopefully all good ways, I am becoming a different person. There are times when I am so comfortable with myself now. I rarely feel out of place. Six months ago, I would have never gone and undressed from the waist up for a massage. I would have been far too self conscious. Not anymore. There are moments I feel, do I dare say, pretty, which is a foreign thought to me and one I am having trouble voicing, even here. It just floors me, all these little changes in my body and mind and even in my soul. It's as if something has been set free which has never been free before and my soul is learning to grow its tiny wings. Though my soul is hesitant, the wings are still there, occasionally making small excursions, before returning to its protected nest. I owe so much to this surgery and to God for getting me through it.
I am working harder than I have ever worked before, so don't ever think it is a an easy journey or "The easy way out". There is nothing easy about it. Every bite has to be measured. I am working out HARD five days a week (I did TWO MILES on the elliptical yesterday and am only going to continue to go forward. Two weeks ago, remember, my best time was 90 seconds!). I think about exercise all the time now and it's not just a need to move, it is a desire and the ABILITY to move. At 315 pounds, moving was not an easy thing to do at all. Now, it is not only easier, but desirable.
My life is changing and blooming in ways I never would have thought possible.